i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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