I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize