I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
