They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
