its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize