i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize