My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
