I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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