Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
