FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
