Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
