First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
