why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
