I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
