dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
