He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
