Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
