Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
