I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
