I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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