umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
