I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
