I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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