I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
