I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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