I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
