Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
