Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
