Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
