even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
