Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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