I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
