I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
