I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
