she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
