is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize