I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
