i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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