Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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