think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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