you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
