Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
