Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
