She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
