So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
