They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
