did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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