Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
