I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
