Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
