she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize