no. you can't hotbox the world.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
