This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
