so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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