She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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