My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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