We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
