you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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