How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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