I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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