Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
