I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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