Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
