my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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