then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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