mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I think pants incapable of making pants work
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize