I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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