I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
