just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
