Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
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