it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
