coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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