Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
my shit smells like andre
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Pooping to opera.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
