Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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