hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize