i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
