I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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