she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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