the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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