shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
